25 March 2013

Table: Ill-Conceived Reasons to Adventure

For those who find the Reasons to Adventure table too reasonable, I offer the following...

Ill-Conceived Reasons to Adventure

Roll 1d20

  1. An amateur botanist and professional florist, you are interested in specimens native to great dark swamps such as the Great Dark Swamp (from Whence None Return).
  2. An amateur entomologist and collector of insects, you have heard that there are several unclassified species of beetles reportedly found in catacombs and tombs.
  3. A composer of songs, you seek inspiration for your next ballad in the ruins of Castle Doom or any equally forboding fortress that might be haunted.
  4. A "people person," you are eager to meet as many people as you can no matter how isolated or xenophobic they may be.
  5. An entrepreneur, you know there are lucrative opportunities awaiting you on the fringes of civilization and/or sanity.
  6. A pioneer, you have trails to blaze through the most benighted, hellish, fiend-infested wilderness to get to that perfect plot of arable land you know awaits you on the other side.
  7. An animal-lover, you are convinced that there are beasties craving affection and tender loving care even in the vilest recesses of the subterranean ecosystem.
  8. You prefer to picnic in uncrowded locales faraway from the intrusiveness of towns and roads — faraway, in fact, from any sign of civilization or security whatsoever.
  9. An au pair by profession, you are scouting out sites for potential field trips. Spelunking is educational!
  10. A student, you were instructed to continue your research "in the field," which may or may not mean desolate, barrow-covered heaths.
  11. Noticing a string leading into a dark labyrinth, you thought you would follow it and see where it takes you, winding it onto a spool as you go...
  12. You are nostalgic for the golden age of a dead civilization and seek to bask in its genius by picking through the bones and rubble of its long deserted ruins.
  13. According to your horoscope, you will meet a stranger who will make a proposal. This is a time of great change in your life. Do not be afraid to try new things. Embrace the surprises that Life gives you!
  14. You have heard that subterranean environments are great for those who suffer from allergies. You have many allergies.
  15. A chef who takes freshness of ingredients seriously, you have heard that a certain rare and exquisite mushroom you seek can be found in certain caves...
  16. A promising student-doctor, you need cadavers with which to cram for your tests, but cadavers are expensive and difficult to obtain in towns where a high percentage of the population is superstitious and mob-inclined. Catacombs, however, are safe from prying eyes and the cadavers there are free for the taking!
  17. The fortune-teller sees a hazy image. For two silver pieces it becomes clearer. Ah, yes! It is... a man. Or perhaps... a woman. In... a tavern. The person is holding... a map! A very old map. Another image... becoming clearer... hills of gold and precious jewels! (This fortune is provided for entertainment purposes only.)
  18. Your chums have dared you to spend at least one night in the old abandoned cavern/dungeon/manor house/mine shaft (pick one).
  19. A stage magician, you are convinced that you can perform the greatest illusion ever seen if you can find the perfect location. Someplace authentically spooky would do nicely.
  20. Although Chaotic humanoids and their philosophy leave you nonplussed, you are willing to visit their homes and listen to their side of the argument.

[Edit: I just realized the sans serif typeface renders this a "Roman Numeral III-Conceived Reasons to Adventure." It ought to read "ILL-CONCEIVED Reasons to Adventure," but I don't like to shout unless someone is considering them in real life.]

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