20 April 2020

Random Alignment Generator 2

In a previous article, I described the official RPGA alignment dice I purchased in 1980-something and how to replace them with the superior (and more flexible) Fudge dice normally used in Fudge and its offshoots. Whilst I continue to recommend them (they can be ordered direct from Grey Ghost Press, Inc.; or you can request your favorite local game shop to order them through Impressions Advertising), I recognize that some may need a table for use with the dice they have as they wait for their Fudge dice to arrive. So, here is the d6 version of the Fudge-powered Random Alignment Generator:

 1st d62nd d6
1-2LawfulGood
3-4NeutralNeutral
5-6ChaoticEvil

Combined, we may generate the following results:

 1-23-45-6
1-2Lawful GoodLawful NeutralLawful Evil
3-4Neutral GoodTrue NeutralNeutral Evil
5-6Chaotic GoodChaotic NeutralChaotic Evil

19 April 2020

Table: Misspells (Table of Many Tables)

Are these Mis-Spells the result of caster error, inaccurate transcription, or a combination of both? Or are they the magical norm in a parallel universe? This is but another mystery of the Table of Many Tables!

Misspells

Roll 1d30

1. Ape Change
2. Auntie Magic Shell
3. Cone of Old
4. Clown
5. Cymbal
6. Disinterest Grate
7. Firball
8. Fold Person
9. Geese
10. Glasstool
11. Glossee
12. Gourds and Words
13. Invisible Stocker
14. Lightning Belt
15. Lizard Wok
16. Meteors Warm
17. Mordenkainen's Sore
18. Moss Charm
19. Moss Invisibility
20. Move Hearth
21. Otto's Irresistible Dunce
22. Phantasmal Farce
23. Power Word, Blond
24. Remove Purse
25. Reverse Gravy
26. Shocking Grass
27. Simulacrumb
28. Tenser's Floating Disco
29. Varnish
30. Weeblemind

18 April 2020

Table: Spells (Table of Many Tables)

These spells have an instantaneous casting time and therefore cannot be interrupted, disrupted, or cancelled. So, cast with care! Table of Many Tables!

Spells

Roll 1d20

1. Alter Weather Slightly
2. Annoying Servant
3. Awkwardness 10' Radius
4. Baleful Baa
5. Call Snow
6. Color Play
7. Cone of Shame
8. Delayed Bluster
9. Eerie Glow
10. Find Friend
11. Improved Befuddlement
12. Phantom In-Law
13. Polymorph Condiment
14. Prismatic Invective
15. Ray of Deconstruction
16. Spectral Pet
17. Summon Volcano
18. Tectonic Shift
19. Wall of Mist
20. Xaxall's Extemporaneous Explosion

17 April 2020

Table: Family Heirlooms (Table of Many Tables)

You may be embarking on your first adventure, but at least you have your family heirloom to worry about. Something something Table of Many Tables.

Family Heirlooms

Roll 1d12


1. The Sacred Icon Which Speaketh (a little too loudly at tymes).
2. The Vial of Blessed Tears (miraculous and delicate).
3. The Crystal Egg (mysterious and fragile).
4. The Clarsach of Sublime Beauty (a temperamental harp).
5. The Sword of Heroism (bronze, unfashionable).
6. The Helm of the High Ruler (very tall remnant of royal parade armor).
7. The Ancestral Gourd (bulky, but amusing).
8. The Book of Memories (heavy, but useful as a footstool).
9. The Ruby of Authority (entrancing, distracting, and very coveted).
10. The Skull of the First (encrusted with jewels, cursed).
11. The Marzipan Homunculus (eerie and mostly controllable).
12. A Stradivarius.

16 April 2020

Table: Alternative Alignments (Table of Many Tables)

Perhaps you are unsatisfied with the traditional alignment system of your current role-playing game and would like to replace it or supplement it with a new one. Perhaps the Table of Many Tables can help!

Alternative Alignments

Roll 1d12

1. Moral - Amoral - Immoral
2. Heroic - Well-Intentioned - Villainous
3. Civilization - Nature - Barbarity
4. Law & Order - *shrug* - Crime & Passion
5. Good Guys - Extras - Bad Guys
6. Federation - Neutral Zone - Romulan Empire
7. Scientific Romance - Science Fiction - Scientifiction
8. Uptight - Normal - Bonkers
9. Gentle - Permanent Press - Heavy
10. Masculine - Neuter - Feminine
11. Cooked - Raw - Live
12. No Flash - Flash

15 April 2020

Table: Useless Acquaintances (Table of Many Tables)

Sometimes you know people you don't really need to know. Am I right, Table of Many Tables?

Useless Acquaintances

Roll 1d12

1. Ham Dram the Village Idiot
2. Plinky the Town Oaf
3. Gummer the Local Buffoon
4. Nedred the Aged (who never stops talking)
5. Polwin the Widow (who shows you her boils)
6. Jim Kneecap (imposing Village Idiot)
7. Pointy the Fool (professional court fool)
8. Lester the Jester (freelance talent)
9. Loaf the Laggard (half-hearted baker)
10. Minim (quizzical child)
11. Drune the Alchemist (overly excited experimenter)
12. Hewart the Touched (holy expounder)

14 April 2020

Table: Useful Contacts (Table of Many Tables)

Sometimes you need to know the right people. Have you met the Table of Many Tables?

Useful Contacts

Roll 1d12

1. Ploom the Advocate, Scholar and Practitioner of Law (and one whose services may be invaluable to "adventurers").
2. Trake Son of Trake Son of Trake, Royal Armorsmith (has a long pedigree).
3. Ghghghoff the Beggar (sees more than most).
4. Yesh the Tavernkeeper (hears everything).
5. Fleete the Messenger (knows where to find people).
6. Leot the Herald (historian and genealogist).
7. Ibb the Poisoner (knows poisons and venoms).
8. Nonc the Trader (is usually hiring).
9. Rastabol (can probably find a buyer for your goods).
10. Hayndred the Mapmaker (buys, sells, and even makes maps).
11. Sheef (is a friend of nearly every local pickpocket).
12. Kildig the Guard (is easily bribed).

13 April 2020

Table: Character Foregrounds (Table of Many Tables)

If you like a good background, you ought to see the foreground! (Table of Many Tables.)

Character Foregrounds

Roll 1d12

This character...

1. Wears spectacles without lenses.
2. Wears a towering hat.
3. Has an outrageously exaggerated limp.
4. Has mismatched footwear.
5. Speaks with an affected stammer.
6. Sings conversationally.
7. Always carries a chicken.
8. Always looks people in the neck.
9. Bears an unusually detailed (and prominently visible) birthmark.
10. Tends to faint.
11. Is wrapped in bandages from head to toe.
12. Is a reverse chameleon (maximum contrast to any surroundings).

12 April 2020

Table: Character Backgrounds (Table of Many Tables)

Roll on this table from the Table of Many Tables to generate background information for player characters, non-player characters, player non-characters, and non-player non-characters!

Character Backgrounds

Roll 1d12

This character...

1. Was chased out of a village for allegedly engaging in lycanthropic activities.
2. Was awarded a medal for rescuing the prized pet pig of a high-ranking official.
3. Was honored for meritorious conduct during The Upheaval (and the less said about that the better).
4. Joined and left a monastic order after having second thoughts.
5. Was formerly a seige engineer, but aspired to be an architect.
6. Has led a life of crime, but turned over a new leaf yesterday.
7. Comes from a long line of smiths.
8. Is a former charcoaler, but left it in favor of a less glamourous life.
9. Inherited large tracts of land, but has heretofore neglected to claim them.
10. Served as a cook in an army's baggage train, before being forcibly discharged.
11. Was raised in a haunted house.
12. Had an illustrious career under a false identity. Supposedly...

11 April 2020

Table: Furnished Dungeons (Table of Many Tables)

If you're looking for a furnished dungeon, the Table of Many Tables may be of help...

Furnished Dungeons

Roll 1d4

1. Traditional single level dungeon. 12 cells, 2 oubliettes, 26 stocks, miles of chains.
2. Perfect starter dungeon for a minor noble or abbot. 4 cells, torture chamber, spare pit, plenty of room for expansion.
3. Deluxe multi-level dungeon. 200 cells, gladitorial training center, spacious guard quarters, fully stocked armory, central air.
4. Bizarre dungeon. Unexplored levels, multiple interdimensional nexus points, haunted, well-appointed.

10 April 2020

Table: Dungeon Furnishings (Table of Many Tables)

Ah, the strange furnishings of dungeons and other subterranean complexes are a marvel to see. See them? Marvel at them! (cf. Table of Many Tables.)

Dungeon Furnishings

Roll 1d12

1. stocks
2. pillory
3. manacles
4. armoire
5. chains
6. rack
7. oubliette
8. attractive end table
9. vice
10. clamps
11. hooks
12. stylish credenza

09 April 2020

Table: Dreaded Tortures (Table of Many Tables)

These tortures are too dreadful to list any but a few, despite the invitation by the Table of Many Tables.

Dreaded Tortures

Roll 1d4

1. The Iron Cage... wherein the victim cowers from a fiendish undead creature that continually taunts, "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! Am I... touching you? I'm not touching you!" #LevelDrain
2. The Iron Maiden... wherein the torturer threatens to place the victim in a spike-lined sarcophagus, but doesn't.
3. The Rake... is often mistaken for The Rack, but it's really just a rake, which the victim is forced to step upon, causing the shaft to strike them on the face. Affordable, and sometimes effective.
4. The Steak... but not The Stake, if that's what you were thinking. The victim is struck on the face with a steak. Humiliating.

08 April 2020

Table: Whimsical Tricks (Table of Many Tables)

Hark! A table of whimsical tricks from the Table of Many Tables!

Whimsical Tricks

Roll 1d6

1. Pool of Fickle Outcomes. Anyone who comes into contact with its water has one random attribute increased to its maximum and another decreased to its minimum.* Duration: 24 hours.
2. Yawning Portal. Transports anyone to another world or a distant part of their own world, but induces a state of narcolepsy lasting 2-24 hours.
3. Portal of Nature. Transports anyone to another world or a distant part of their own world, sans clothing. Clothing remains on the other side.
4. Butterchurn of Woe. Has a profound aura of magical power. Churns butter, but loudly wails "Woe! WOE!! WOE!!!"
5. Bronze Colossus. Eyes emit light at irregular intervals. Occasionally makes an inexplicable chirping sound.
6. Well of Gratitude. Says "THANK YOU" whenever anything of value is thrown into it. Burps after devouring anything alive that climbs or falls into it.

* The maximum and minimum potential values possible during normal character creation.

07 April 2020

Table: Wandering Minstrels (Table of Many Tables)

Many a wandering minstrel can be met on the way to adventure, or even at the local tavern, and this is but a small sample provided by the Table of Many Tables.

Wandering Minstrels

Roll 1d12

1. Tom Tonne, heaviest minstrel in the land! Will accept food as payment.
2. Plord the Jongleur. Also juggles. At all times.
3. Whif Thin the Quiet. Sings in a voice barely above a whisper.
4. Fraye the Troubador. Quick of sword, sharp of wit, short on discretion.
5. Ouita (or Weeta). Interpretive dance a specialty.
6. Caerynne. Deceptively plain.
7. Blaise the Fiery. Entertainer. Pyromaniac.
8. Olo. Restless acrobat. Reluctant singer. Good percussionist.
9. Maycroft the Enigmatic. Where music and stage magic meet!
10. Pleedle the Minstrel. Improviser extraordinaire. Singer/musician ordinaire.
11. Balourus the Bombastic. Explosively entertaining, but volume not adjustable.
12. Felf the Whistler. Famous and infamous for whistling prowess.

06 April 2020

Table: Wandering Monsters (Table of Many Tables)

A table of wandering monsters courtesy of the Table of Many Tables.

Wandering Monsters

Roll 1d20

1. Shambling Hogweed. One of the worst, most formidable monsters you will ever encounter. Not fun. Frequency: Very rare
2. Vampire hat. Number Appearing: 1-100.
3. Ineffable Hovering Sphere of Inescapable Terror with One Big Scary Eye and Lots of Smaller Scary Eyes. Armor Class: 1 [18]; 4 [15]; 8 [11]
4. Brain-Eating Cuttlefish-Headed Psi-Tyrant. Move: Average.
5. Rockslider. Hit Dice: 9 (foreign), 12 (domestic)
6. Boulet. (Pronounced "bull-lit") Treasure Type: Y
7. Living House. % in Lair: 100%
8. Action Mold. No. of Attacks: 1 or 10
9. Pixie, Feral, Giant. Damage/Attack: 3-12
10. Lobstormer. Special Attacks: Summon a storm of lobsters 1 time/day
11. Pangolin, Giant. Special Defenses: Can roll itself into an impenetrable ball
12. Creepy Crawly, Standard. Magic Resistance: Standard
13. Giant, Quarry. Intelligence: Low
14. Hobnoblin. Alignment: Neutral evil
15. Eel Magistrate. Size: M
16. Beige Slime. Psionic Ability: Nil
17. Flying Calamari. Psionic Attack Mode: ?
18. Golem, Bread. Psionic Defense Mode: Nil
19. Cavy, Dire. Note: Rarely tamed except by ringwraiths or nightgaunts or whatnot
20. Primordial Blah. Description: Indescribable. And unknowable. And unspeakable.

05 April 2020

Table: Cursed Sale (Table of Many Tables)

According to the Table of Many Tables, even cursed items are sold (in the shadiest of locales), and sometimes they're even on sale (or so they say)...

Cursed Sale

Roll 1d12

1. Backscratcher, Cursed (Frontscratcher): Will only scratch a person's front!
2. Horn of Dismay: Causes self doubt and embarrassment to one who plays it.
3. Sword, Cursed (Unsheathable): Cannot or will not allow itself to be sheathed unless the wielder is asleep.
4. Shield of Attraction: Attracts arrows. Attracts spears. Attracts pests. Attracts unwanted attention. Makes loud noises if it isn't being noticed.
5. Crown of Epic Weight: There is no crown heavier than this. It looks impressive, though.
6. Knife, Cursed (Unthrowable): It looks like a throwing knife, but no matter how skilled the thrower, it will make the thrower look like an unskilled buffoon.
7. Spoon of Slurping: Emits a slurping sound even when not in use. Can never be silenced, but can be muffled. To an extent.
8. Fork of Possibility: Renders the user unable to do anything but stare in helpless fascination at the world of possibilities. Otherwise, it's a simple fork.
9. Spear, Cursed (Wobbly): Too wobbly to throw. Too wobbly to stick into someone. Too wobbly to hold and just stand there with any degree of dignity.
10. Throwing Axe, Cursed (Many Unhappy Returns): Returns to the thrower every time. Blade first.
11. Robe of Excessive Luxury: Is likely to smother the wearer with luxuriousness. A little too much of a good thing.
12. Millstone of Beguilement: Self-explanatory.

04 April 2020

Table: Discount Magic (Table of Many Tables)

Magic is a fickle, temperamental force, and not all magic is equal, but sometimes it is discounted, as hinted at in the Table of Many Tables.

Discount Magic

Roll 1d12

1. The Scroll of Quish! Contains three spells including Prismatic Invective, Spectral Pet, and Color Play!
2. The Scroll of Skoom! Contains two spells including Delayed Bluster and Cone of Shame.
3. The Potion of Gassiness!
4. The Potion of Modest Levitation!
5. The Ring of Moderate Power! (Side effect: only moderate unease!)
6. The Wand of Mushrooms! Point and grow mushrooms instantly! Unlimited charges!
7. The Staff of Employment! Hundreds of uses!
8. The Rod of Guilt! Transfer guilt on command!
9. The Dust of Interesting Odor! Impossible to identify!
10. The Apparatus of Splaat! Large, bulky, incomprehensible artifact. Sold as is.
11. Grab Bag! 1-4 guaranteed miscellaneous magic items. Usefulness may vary.
12. The Belt of Human Strength! Gives the wearer the strength of a human! One size fits all.

03 April 2020

Table: Pickpocket (Table of Many Tables)

You are the victim of a pickpocket or cutpurse as foretold by the Table of Many Tables. What is being stolen from your pocket or purse and by whom? Two tables will tell you...

Loot

Roll 1d12

1. 50% of your highest value coins!
2. 75% of your lowest value coins!
3. 100% of your loose gemstones!
4. 1-3 pieces of jewelry!
5. Nothing! (You were lucky!)
6. A random magic item!
7. A precious family heirloom!
8. A cursed item!
9. A map!
10. A riddle!
11. A spell!
12. Miscellaneous!

N.B. Roll again if the result is not applicable.

Perpetrator

Roll 1d20

1. A waif.
2. A ragamuffin.
3. A tatterdemalion.
4. A vagrant.
5. A fop.
6. A frump.
7. A harridan.
8. A virago.
9. A temptress.
10. A lad next door.
11. A lass next door.
12. A lout.
13. A hooligan.
14. A ruffian.
15. A rake.
16. A doddering elder.
17. A respectable tradesman.
18. A drunkard.
19. A pilgrim.
20. A magician?

N.B. The result is not necessarily who they are, but who they appear to be (perhaps).

02 April 2020

Table: Treasures (Table of Many Tables)

Behold! A table of rare and varied treasures from the Table of Many Tables, enticing you with... enticements!

Treasures

Roll 1d12

1. The Crown Jewels! Priceless symbols of power instantly marking you for capture, assassination, or theft! Congratulations, you're a target now!
2. The Sceptre of the Demon Prince of Ill Omen! Topped with a human skull! Nothing bad could happen from stealing/finding this trifle, right?
3. 1,000 copper pieces!
4. A crystal skull! Eerie. Possibly worth something. In any case: eerie.
5. The Diamond of Hope! Hope it isn't cursed.
6. The wig of Medusa! No intrinsic value, but highly sought after by collectors!
7. The Golden Fleece! The greatest healing magic ever known. Also known to start wars.
8. The Finger of Fekna! Morbidly fascinating, is it not? Maybe it's even useful in some macabre way...
9. A pair of silver slippers with untold magical powers! Coveted by wicked witches, so BEWARE.
10. A single gold coin the size of a wagon wheel! Valid only in cloud giant castles or cyclops communes.
11. A sarcophagus from the time of the Ancients! May or may not contain a mummy. Or a robot. Or a time traveler. Or a cryogenically frozen alien.
12. An ordinary brass lamp! Definitely contains a djinn. Or a djinni. Or a jinn. Or a jinni. Or a genie. Or a genius. Or a devil. Or a demon. Or a daemon. Or a daimon...

01 April 2020

Table: Fumbles (Table of Many Tables)

This table from the Table of Many Tables describes an assortment of blunders and mishaps that might arise when making the worst of all possible rolls of the die.

Fumbles

Roll 1d12

1. Slipped on a banana peel. Who's been littering?
2. Slipped on human entrails. Messy.
3. Tripped over a corpse. Sorry about that!
4. Tripped over a zombie at rest. Oh, drat! Now it's moving...
5. Dropped weapon. On foot. Roll damage.
6. Weapon flies out of hand and into surprised friend. Or foe. Or passerby.
7. Weapon flies out of hand and is caught by the chief baddie on duty.
8. Weapon develops a conscience and devotes itself to a life of nonviolence.
9. Weapon becomes possessed by an indecisive demon.
10. Armor bunches up uncomfortably, penalizing every action until adjusted.
11. Helmet or hat slips over eyes, resulting in ineffective stumbling about.
12. Distracted by a fleeting thought, lose one round of action. Did I lock the door when I left? Hm...