Table: Who Does the Mad Mage Think He Is This Time?

The Mad Mage is having a personality shift again. Or is he channelling a spirit? Or is he possessed? Or has he switched places with someone (or something) from another time and place? This is the twelfth table of the What Is This Table? Table.

Who Does the Mad Mage Think He Is This Time?

Roll 1d8

1. Xigxag the Even Madder Arch-Mage
2. Floyd Wrong, Architect of Insanity
3. Pezla, Confectioner Électromagnétique
4. Severn Darden, Interdimensional Man of Mystery
5. Aldebaran Oooeeeooo*
6. Dis Tater, Arch-Spud of Hell
7. Yoga Sothoth
8. Pizzazzathoth

* Conceived by my friend Andrew back in 1980-something.

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Did the Mad Mage Summon This Time?

The Mad Mage summoned it and now we must deal with it. This is the eleventh table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Did the Mad Mage Summon This Time?

Roll 1d12

1. A blink frog.
2. A coconut cream pie.
3. A displacer yeast.
4. A fire-breathing giant tarantula.
5. A gargan!
6. A gazebo.
7. A miniature yak.
8. A minor demon noble.
9. A pouch of stunfetti.
10. A swarm of mayflies.
11. A vague ennui.
12. A ziggurat for ants.

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Did the Mad Mage Create This Time?

The Mad Mage created what now? Let's roll and find out... This is the tenth table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Did the Mad Mage Create This Time?

Roll 1d8

1. An antmanticore.
2. A babloon.
3. A chimermaid.
4. An ibiselephant.
5. A salamandrake.
6. A toucanalligator.
7. A triplicat.
8. A trogre.

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: Why Is the Room Spinning?

This question was inspired by real life. The table results were not. (I think it was caused by sinusitis.) This is the ninth table of the What Is This Table? Table.

Why Is the Room Spinning?

Roll 1d8

1. You had perhaps a wee bit too much to drink.
2. You contracted a disease generously provided by a "Dungeon Masters Guide"?
3. The room is literally spinning. And so is the building. And so is the tornado.
4. You were kidnapped and imprisoned in a funhouse.
5. You were abducted by aliens with a faulty flying saucer.
6. The room isn't spinning. Your head is. You are possessed by a demon.
7. You are strapped to a torture device known as Lazy Susan's Wicked Auntie.
8. You were targeted by a dizzy spell and failed your saving throw, of course.

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Does the Eclipse Portend?

We interrupt this mega-table with a table inspired by a certain total solar eclipse just witnessed by the author. This is the eighth table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Does the Eclipse Portend?

Roll 1d12

1. Unity against a common foe.*
2. The return of the Tarrasque.
3. The return of the Black Death.
4. The return of Gamera.
5. The release of the Kraken.
6. The unleashing of Cerberus.
7. An unprecedented outbreak of faerie shenanigans.
8. An unprecedented surge of paranormal activity.
9. Ley lines at maximum magical/psychic power.
10. Everything. It's all different from this moment forward.
11. Nothing. It's an eclipse.
12. Overwhelming victory in the Tomb of Horrors.

* See the solar eclipse from June 16, 1806. To quote from Wikipedia:

It has been called Tecumseh's Eclipse after the Shawnee chief, Tecumseh. He realized that the only hope for the various tribes in east and central North America was to join [in a federation]. He was assisted by his brother, Tenskwatawa, called The Prophet, who called for a rejection of European influence and a return to traditional values. This tribal unity threatened William Henry Harrison, the Territorial Governor of Indiana and future 9th President of the United States. Harrison tried to discredit the Shawnee leader by challenging Tenskwatawa to prove his powers. He wrote: "If he (Tenskwatawa) is really a prophet, ask him to cause the Sun to stand still or the Moon to alter its course, the rivers to cease to flow or the dead to rise from their graves."

Tenskwatawa declared that the Great Spirit was angry at Harrison and would give a sign. "Fifty days from this day there will be no cloud in the sky. Yet, when the Sun has reached its highest point, at that moment will the Great Spirit take it into her hand and hide it from us. The darkness of night will thereupon cover us and the stars will shine round about us. The birds will roost and the night creatures will awaken and stir." On that day [in Ohio, probably near the Indiana border], there was an eclipse, and Harrison's attempt to divide the Shawnee people backfired spectacularly. Then Tecumseh ordered the Great Spirit to release the sun.

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Is This Game of Chance?

There comes a time—perhaps many, many times—when adventurers will find the opportunity to gamble their loot, their heirlooms, or even their souls. But first, "What is this game of chance?" This is the seventh table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Is This Game of Chance?

Roll 1d12

1. Poker
2. Gouger
3. Stabber
4. Blackjack
5. Flapjack
6. Slapjack
7. Rummy
8. Winey
9. Boozy
10. Craps
11. Poops
12. Merde

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Are They Discussing? 2

Will the adventurers casually eavesdrop or will they join the conversation? This is the sixth table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Are They Discussing? 2

Roll 1d12

1. The campaign against literacy launched by some out-of-town barbarians.
2. The convenience of staying at a caravansary vs. the cost.
3. Cures for insomnia.
4. The deadly combination scavenger hunt/sacrificial rite orchestrated by the despotrix.
5. The disappearance of a certain noble's puppy in the vicinity of some ruins.
6. The lycanthropy outbreak in Werewolvington.
7. That ludicrous display at yesterday's mob football match.
8. The merits of rotating crops.
9. A protest organized by the local death cult.
10. The village with the best idiot.
11. The weather.
12. Who would win in a fight between a vampire and a ghoul.

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Are They Discussing?

One cannot always help overhearing the conversations of non-player characters in their natural habitat, whether it's guards at their post, clergy behind the altar, servants at the well, or just about anyone at the tavern. Naturally, one wants to know, "What are they discussing?" This is the fifth table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Are They Discussing?

Roll 1d12

1. The archery contest incident involving the intrusion of crossbow hooligans.
2. The latest fad of sewing pockets into clothing.
3. The local death cult's lute-burning spree.
4. The mermaid sighted at Rover's Cove whilst catching the largest cod ever seen.
5. The new tax on ostentatious codpieces.
6. The price of ambergris in Portport.
7. The scandalous new hats being worn in Highplace.
8. The sighting of a ghost at the abandoned electrum mine.
9. The slobold uprising in Slothgate.
10. The stirrings of revolution in Oppressia.
11. The weather.
12. Whether one would rather be the sole mortal in a town populated only by demons or the lone demon against a team of saints in a mob football match.

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Does This Barrel Contain?

Sometimes adventurers cannot leave well enough alone and insist on dawdling in the name of "a thorough search," leaving no stone unturned and no barrel or cask unopened. If they refuse to accept your helpful hints, roll to see what they find. This is the fourth table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Does This Barrel Contain?

Roll 1d30

1. ale
2. beer
3. cider
4. caltrops
5. a corpse
6. fireworks
7. flour
8. fruit punch
9. hard cider
10. lamp oil
11. lentils
12. luxury rat hotel
13. mead
14. monkeys
15. nails
16. nuts
17. oats
18. paint
19. parsely
20. pepper
21. pickles
22. salt
23. salted beef
24. salted fish
25. salted pork
26. syrup
27. vinegar
28. water
29. wine
30. a zombie

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Is This Plane of Existence?

"What is this plane of existence?" is a question that adventurers might ask as they ponder the nature of reality and their place in it, but it could equally be a legitimate inquiry if they plunge—for whatever reason—through an interdimensional rift. The table below might provide an answer. This is the third table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Is This Plane of Existence?

Roll 1d12

1. The Pastoral Plane
2. The Ephemeral Plane
3. The Prime Real Estate Plane
4. The Parallel Parking Plane
5. The Positive Feedback Plane
6. The Negative Feedback Plane
7. The Good Place
8. The Bad Place
9. The Plane of Mutual Disagreement
10. The Cornfield
11. The Periodic Plane of Elements
12. The Plane of Missing Socks

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Is This Market Stall Selling?

The adventurers are browsing in the market and they want to know, "What is this stall selling?" Roll to find out! This is the second table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Is This Market Stall Selling?

Roll 1d30

1. apples, peaches, and pears
2. amulets and talismans
3. belts, garters, and scabbards
4. cabbages
5. candles and lamp oil
6. citrus fruits
7. fabric
8. fancy codpieces
9. flagons and tankards
10. flowers
11. friendship bracelets
12. greens
13. hats, non-hats. helmets, and wizard hats
14. herbs
15. costume jewelry
16. knives and knife-sharpening
17. magical trinkets and other discount magic
18. "medicines"
19. perfumes
20. pies and bread
21. pottery
22. practical jokes and harmless gags
23. sandals and slippers
24. soaps
25. soups
26. souvenirs
27. sweets
28. robes
29. turnips
30. woodcarvings

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)

Table: What Is This Business?

"So, what is this business?" the adventurers ask as they wander through the city/town/village/hamlet. Roll and find out! This is the first table of the What Is This Table? Table.

What Is This Business?

Roll 1d12

1. Armand Armour's Half-Priced Armory ("Pre-Owned Arms & Armor")
2. The Bucket & Duck Tavern (a.k.a. The Decoy Lodge)
3. Drury's Brewery ("The Opposite of Dreary")
4. The Fell Inn ("Bottomless Hospitality")
5. Flesch's Butcher Shop ("Free Offal with Purchase")
6. Ten Rolling Pins Bakery (a.k.a. The Crossed Rolling Pins)
7. Polly the Apothecary ("Free Advice with Cracker")
8. Smithers' Smithy and Stable ("Horses Shoed. Flies Shooed.")
9. The Whale & Sail Alehouse (a.k.a. The Not-So-Drydock)
10. The Whistle & Lyre Tavern ("Mandatory Musical Accompaniment")
11. Willa Taylor, Tailor (secretly a.k.a. William Tale, Spy.)
12. Witt & Burley's Millery ("We Grind Our Competitors to Powder!")

(See also the Build Your Own Space Opera Table for twice the Random Generator Month fun.)