Table: Wandering Monsters (Table of Many Tables)

A table of wandering monsters courtesy of the Table of Many Tables.

Wandering Monsters

Roll 1d20

1. Shambling Hogweed. One of the worst, most formidable monsters you will ever encounter. Not fun. Frequency: Very rare
2. Vampire Hat. Number Appearing: 1-100.
3. Ineffable Hovering Sphere of Inescapable Terror with One Big Scary Eye and Lots of Smaller Scary Eyes. Armor Class: 1 [18]; 4 [15]; 8 [11]
4. Brain-Eating Cuttlefish-Headed Psi-Tyrant. Move: Average.
5. Rockslider. Hit Dice: 9 (foreign), 12 (domestic)
6. Boulet. (Pronounced "bull-lit") Treasure Type: Y
7. Living House. % in Lair: 100%
8. Action Mold. No. of Attacks: 1 or 10
9. Pixie, Feral, Giant. Damage/Attack: 3-12
10. Lobstormer. Special Attacks: Summon a storm of lobsters 1 time/day
11. Pangolin, Giant. Special Defenses: Can roll itself into an impenetrable ball
12. Creepy Crawly, Standard. Magic Resistance: Standard
13. Giant, Quarry. Intelligence: Low
14. Hobnoblin. Alignment: Neutral evil
15. Eel Magistrate. Size: M
16. Beige Slime. Psionic Ability: Nil
17. Flying Calamari. Psionic Attack Mode: ?
18. Golem, Bread. Psionic Defense Mode: Nil
19. Cavy, Dire. Note: Rarely tamed except by ringwraiths or nightgaunts or whatnot
20. Primordial Blah. Description: Indescribable. And unknowable. And unspeakable.

Table: Cursed Sale (Table of Many Tables)

According to the Table of Many Tables, even cursed items are sold (in the shadiest of locales), and sometimes they're even on sale (or so they say)...

Cursed Sale

Roll 1d12

1. Backscratcher, Cursed (Frontscratcher): Will only scratch a person's front!
2. Horn of Dismay: Causes self doubt and embarrassment to one who plays it.
3. Sword, Cursed (Unsheathable): Cannot or will not allow itself to be sheathed unless the wielder is asleep.
4. Shield of Attraction: Attracts arrows. Attracts spears. Attracts pests. Attracts unwanted attention. Makes loud noises if it isn't being noticed.
5. Crown of Epic Weight: There is no crown heavier than this. It looks impressive, though.
6. Knife, Cursed (Unthrowable): It looks like a throwing knife, but no matter how skilled the thrower, it will make the thrower look like an unskilled buffoon.
7. Spoon of Slurping: Emits a slurping sound even when not in use. Can never be silenced, but can be muffled. To an extent.
8. Fork of Possibility: Renders the user unable to do anything but stare in helpless fascination at the world of possibilities. Otherwise, it's a simple fork.
9. Spear, Cursed (Wobbly): Too wobbly to throw. Too wobbly to stick into someone. Too wobbly to hold and just stand there with any degree of dignity.
10. Throwing Axe, Cursed (Many Unhappy Returns): Returns to the thrower every time. Blade first.
11. Robe of Excessive Luxury: Is likely to smother the wearer with luxuriousness. A little too much of a good thing.
12. Millstone of Beguilement: Self-explanatory.

Table: Discount Magic (Table of Many Tables)

Magic is a fickle, temperamental force, and not all magic is equal, but sometimes it is discounted, as hinted at in the Table of Many Tables.

Discount Magic

Roll 1d12

1. The Scroll of Quish! Contains three spells including Prismatic Invective, Spectral Pet, and Color Play!
2. The Scroll of Skoom! Contains two spells including Delayed Bluster and Cone of Shame.
3. The Potion of Gassiness!
4. The Potion of Modest Levitation!
5. The Ring of Moderate Power! (Side effect: only moderate unease!)
6. The Wand of Mushrooms! Point and grow mushrooms instantly! Unlimited charges!
7. The Staff of Employment! Hundreds of uses!
8. The Rod of Guilt! Transfer guilt on command!
9. The Dust of Interesting Odor! Impossible to identify!
10. The Apparatus of Splaat! Large, bulky, incomprehensible artifact. Sold as is.
11. Grab Bag! 1-4 guaranteed miscellaneous magic items. Usefulness may vary.
12. The Belt of Human Strength! Gives the wearer the strength of a human! One size fits all.

Table: Pickpocket (Table of Many Tables)

You are the victim of a pickpocket or cutpurse as foretold by the Table of Many Tables. What is being stolen from your pocket or purse and by whom? Two tables will tell you...

Loot

Roll 1d12

1. 50% of your highest value coins!
2. 75% of your lowest value coins!
3. 100% of your loose gemstones!
4. 1-3 pieces of jewelry!
5. Nothing! (You were lucky!)
6. A random magic item!
7. A precious family heirloom!
8. A cursed item!
9. A map!
10. A riddle!
11. A spell!
12. Miscellaneous!

N.B. Roll again if the result is not applicable.

Perpetrator

Roll 1d20

1. A waif.
2. A ragamuffin.
3. A tatterdemalion.
4. A vagrant.
5. A fop.
6. A frump.
7. A harridan.
8. A virago.
9. A temptress.
10. A lad next door.
11. A lass next door.
12. A lout.
13. A hooligan.
14. A ruffian.
15. A rake.
16. A doddering elder.
17. A respectable tradesman.
18. A drunkard.
19. A pilgrim.
20. A magician?

N.B. The result is not necessarily who they are, but who they appear to be (perhaps).

Table: Treasures (Table of Many Tables)

Behold! A table of rare and varied treasures from the Table of Many Tables, enticing you with... enticements!

Treasures

Roll 1d12

1. The Crown Jewels! Priceless symbols of power instantly marking you for capture, assassination, or theft! Congratulations, you're a target now!
2. The Sceptre of the Demon Prince of Ill Omen! Topped with a human skull! Nothing bad could happen from stealing/finding this trifle, right?
3. 1,000 copper pieces!
4. A crystal skull! Eerie. Possibly worth something. In any case: eerie.
5. The Diamond of Hope! Hope it isn't cursed.
6. The wig of Medusa! No intrinsic value, but highly sought after by collectors!
7. The Golden Fleece! The greatest healing magic ever known. Also known to start wars.
8. The Finger of Fekna! Morbidly fascinating, is it not? Maybe it's even useful in some macabre way...
9. A pair of silver slippers with untold magical powers! Coveted by wicked witches, so BEWARE.
10. A single gold coin the size of a wagon wheel! Valid only in cloud giant castles or cyclops communes.
11. A sarcophagus from the time of the Ancients! May or may not contain a mummy. Or a robot. Or a time traveler. Or a cryogenically frozen alien.
12. An ordinary brass lamp! Definitely contains a djinn. Or a djinni. Or a jinn. Or a jinni. Or a genie. Or a genius. Or a devil. Or a demon. Or a daemon. Or a daimon...

Table: Fumbles (Table of Many Tables)

This table from the Table of Many Tables describes an assortment of blunders and mishaps that might arise when making the worst of all possible rolls of the die.

Fumbles

Roll 1d12

1. Slipped on a banana peel. Who's been littering?
2. Slipped on human entrails. Messy.
3. Tripped over a corpse. Sorry about that!
4. Tripped over a zombie at rest. Oh, drat! Now it's moving...
5. Dropped weapon. On foot. Roll damage.
6. Weapon flies out of hand and into surprised friend. Or foe. Or passerby.
7. Weapon flies out of hand and is caught by the chief baddie on duty.
8. Weapon develops a conscience and devotes itself to a life of nonviolence.
9. Weapon becomes possessed by an indecisive demon.
10. Armor bunches up uncomfortably, penalizing every action until adjusted.
11. Helmet or hat slips over eyes, resulting in ineffective stumbling about.
12. Distracted by a fleeting thought, lose one round of action. Did I lock the door when I left? Hm...

Table: Critical Hits (Table of Many Tables)

This table from the Table of Many Tables describes a variety of critical hits emphasizing death and dismemberment by way of sharp and/or pointed weapons. This table may be used for blunt weapons by replacing "severed," "stabbed," and "cut" with "smashed," "mashed," and "crushed."

Critical Hits

Roll 1d12

1. Pop of the Tops! Head pops off and flies through the air. Death probable.
2. Costs an Arm and a Leg! Both arm and leg on one side severed. Lopsided.
3. Give 'em a Hand! Hand severed.
4. Footloose! Lose a foot.
5. A Poke in the Eye! Eye poked. Not that bad. Unless poked by something sharp.
6. A Frog in One's Throat! Actually, a stab in the throat. Potentially fatal.
7. Hear Ye! Ear cut off. Unpleasant.
8. Achoo! Nose detaches. Inconvenient.
9. Halves! Severed in half horizontally.
10. Splits! Severed in half vertically.
11. Have a Heart! Stabbed in the heart. Recovery doubtful.
12. Ouch! Purse or moneybelt lifted by weapon. No damage, but very painful.

Table of Many Tables (Contains Tables)

The First of April is nigh, and if one listens carefully, one can hear the mating call of the random generator as it wanders through boxed text and battlemats. Ready thy dice and cast them to learn thy fate!

Table of Many Tables

Roll 1d20

1. Roll on the Critical Hits Table!
2. Roll on the Fumbles Table!
3. Roll on the Treasures Table!
4. Roll on the Pickpocket Table!
5. Roll on the Discount Magic Table!
6. Roll on the Cursed Sale Table!
7. Roll on the Wandering Monsters Table!
8. Roll on the Wandering Minstrels Table!
9. Roll on the Whimsical Tricks Table!
10. Roll on the Dreaded Tortures Table!
11. Roll on the Dungeon Furnishings Table!
12. Roll on the Furnished Dungeons Table!
13. Roll on the Character Backgrounds Table!
14. Roll on the Character Foregrounds Table!
15. Roll on the Useful Contacts Table!
16. Roll on the Useless Acquaintances Table!
17. Roll on the Alternative Alignments Table!
18. Roll on the Family Heirlooms Table!
19. Roll on the Spells Table!
20. Roll on the Misspells Table!

N.B. Results of the Table of Many Tables (resulting in more tables) are being added daily. [Edit: And it is now complete.]

Zodiac Birth Augur

What do you do when you like the idea of a rule more than the rule itself? You modify it, of course. I like the idea of the Birth Augur and Lucky Roll of Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG (see table 1-2 in the rules), but I prefer one based on zodiacal signs rather than a hodgepodge of signs and circumstances ("the bull," "unholy house," "raised by wolves," "conceived on horseback," etc.)

Below are two alternate tables representing the most common forms of astrology in our world. Either could be modified to suit the particular requirements of a fantasy world by substituting appropriate flora, fauna, or figures of that world's mythology.

Zodiac Sign and Lucky Roll (Western Astrology)

Roll 1d12

1. Aries (Speed (each +1/-1 = +5'/-5' speed))
2. Taurus (Fortitude saving throws)
3. Gemini (Detection checks)
4. Cancer (Armor Class)
5. Leo (Melee attack rolls)
6. Virgo (Will saving throws)
7. Libra (Reflex saving throws)
8. Scorpio (Initiative)
9. Sagittarius (Missile attack rolls)
10. Capricorn (Damage rolls)
11. Aquarius (Skill checks)
12. Pisces (Spell checks)

Zodiac Sign and Lucky Roll (Chinese Astrology)

Roll 1d12

1. Rat (Armor Class)
2. Ox (Fortitude saving throws)
3. Tiger (Damage rolls)
4. Rabbit (Reflex saving throws)
5. Dragon (Hit points (applies at each level))
6. Snake (Spell checks)
7. Horse (Speed (each +1/-1 = +5'/-5' speed))
8. Goat (Initiative)
9. Monkey (Skill checks)
10. Rooster (Attack rolls)
11. Dog (Detection checks)
12. Pig (Will saving throws)

B/X Rules to Lose

Basic/Expert Dungeons & Dragons is the edition that is closest to the ideal form of D&D as far as I am concerned, but it has several rules that I have always felt free to ignore in the interest of running a more enjoyable game. The following are some of the rules I have chosen to lose.

DM Rolls Damage

This rule, found in the "Combat Sequence" chart on page B24, and under "Damage" on page B25, states flatly, "DM rolls damage" and "If an attack hits, the DM must determine how much damage the attack has done." The only time I have ever witnessed this is on the television show HarmonQuest. It's fine for players who are indifferent (or opposed) to rolling dice themselves, but the players I know love to roll dice especially if it's to generate damage against an enemy. Who am I to deprive them of their fun? I would ask why the rules specify that it's the DM's responsibility to make all the damage rolls, but I suspect it's derived from someone's personal play experience rather than a reflection of any standard practice at large.

Combat Sequence

Speaking of combat sequences, the aforementioned one on page B24 is complicated at first glance and ponderous in execution. I tried to give it a chance, but it instantly bogged down the game. A tense moment packed with potential excitement was reduced to a dull, monotonous litany of sections and subsections of discrete actions, and we were bored before we had even reached C. in the first round.

The only part of this rule that I can salvage is:

A. Each side rolls for initiative (1d6).
B. The side that wins the intiative acts first (if simultaneous all actions are performed by each side at the same time).
C. The side with the second highest initiative acts second, and so on.
D. The DM handles any surrenders, retreats, etc. as they occur.

Each side decides amongst its members who acts in what order and what action is taken. As a result, the game flows better and everyone is kept engaged in the action.

No Spells for 1st Level Clerics

Wrong. In my games, 1st level clerics automatically get cure light wounds. That's just how I roll.

Thieves' Abilities

Thiefly skills in B/X D&D, as with all editions of D&D, are mostly varying levels of gross incompetence until the thief reaches dizzying levels. A 15% chance to Open Locks; a 10% chance to Find/Remove Traps or Hide in Shadows? Why even bother with odds like that? I think I'd rather use ability checks (page B60, "There's always a chance.") or substitute the thief skills from Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG.

Hit Dice

I use the AD&D class hit dice instead, but I let magic-users roll the same die as thieves (d6). In other words, fighter (d10), cleric (d8), thief (d6), magic-user (d6).

Other Rules to Lose

Other rules I'd lose or replace pertain to D&D in general such as alignment, level limits, and the overabundance of treasure and magic items. I'd also replace the level progression system with that used by DCC RPG or one of the "milestone" variants.

To reiterate, I admire the Basic/Expert rules more than any other edition of D&D, but no edition is perfect, and that's O.K. It's nothing a bit of tinkering can't fix.