Random Generator Month

April is Random Generator Month at Applied Phantasticality, and I have taken care to add that link/label to every April mega-table including the one I retroactively created for the first satirical tables I posted in 2013. Thus far, we have the Table of Tablecentric Tables of 2013, the Table of Many Tables (Contains Tables) of 2020, the Expanding Unknown Table of 2021, and the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table of 2022. [Add the Table of the Quasi-Answerable also of 2022.] [And Your Dungeon Tour Table of 2023.] Apparently, it's a self-imposed tradition now, so I thought it deserved a name. Happy Random Generator Month, readers!

Table: Royal Gifts for Loyal Subjects (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

Those few adventurers who have been of particular service to their rulers may be surprised with rare and usual gifts that befit the gratitude and, shall we say, eccentricity of their royal personages. This is the twentieth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Royal Gifts for Loyal Subjects

Roll 1d8

1. An adamantite paperweight engraved with the recipent's name.
2. A "chair that rocketh" fashioned from mammoth tusks.
3. A lifesize origami paper golem folded in the likeness of the recipient.
4. A magnificent stuffed horse on wheels.
5. A painting entitled Still Life with Turnip and Severed Head.
6. A pair of Slippers of Heavenly Comfort (nonmagical, but convince your feet of that).
7. A pet miniature purple worm, which, if not kept in its terrarium will soon become considerably larger.
8. A rare homing pigeon capable of breaking the sound barrier.

Table: Misspells 4 (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

There seems to be no limit to the ways in which Mis-Spells can manifest thanks to spells misheard, mispoken, mistranslated, or even misspelled. This is the nineteenth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Misspells 4

Roll 1d30

1. Bemuse Nurse
2. Bump
3. Carnation
4. Comprehend Luggage
5. Delayed Bliss Glitter Globe
6. Drawmij's Instant Cinnamon
7. Eerie Waiter
8. Firebowels
9. Fire Traipse
10. Gas
11. Hold Hamster
12. Hold Turtle
13. Legend Bore
14. Leomund's Tarp
15. Liar Shield
16. Lungs
17. Mirror Damage
18. Mordenkainen's Fainting Hound
19. Otiluke's Frozen Pear
20. Passwaffle
21. Power Word: Grill
22. Power Word: Shun
23. Score
24. Snow
25. Spittlerack
26. Time Stamp
27. Wader Bleating
28. Waste
29. Webbed
30. Wreath Magic

Table: Birth Status (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

The professional adventurer may prefer to wear a cloak of mystery, but even the mysterious stranger came from somewhere. This is the eighteenth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Birth Status

Roll 1d20 or 1d30

1. 1st child
2. 2nd child
3. 3rd child
4. 4th child
5. 5th child
6. 6th child
7. 7th child
8. 8th child
9. 9th child
10. 10th child
11. 11th child
12. 12th child
13. only child
14. adopted child
15. foundling
16. changeling (alleged)
17. twin (roll 1d12 to determine order for both)
18. triplet (roll 1d12 to determine order for all three)
19. quadruplet (roll 1d12 to determine order for all four)
20. quintuplet (roll 1d12 to determine order for all five)
21. raised by 1) wolves, 2) werewolves, 3) wolfweres, or 4) dogs (roll 1d4)
22. raised by 1) apes, 2) monkeys, or 3) proto-simians (roll 1d3)
23. raised by 1) squirrels, 2) raccoons, 3) opossums, 4) rabbits, 5) hedgehogs, or 6) capybaras (roll 1d6)
24. raised by chickens (or the poultry of your choice)
25. raised by 1) dolphins, 2) whales, 3) squid, 4) carp, 5) merpeople, or 6) plankton (roll 1d6)
26. changeling (for sure)
27. born of the union of divine and mortal flesh (i.e., a demigod)
28. created by act of spontaneous generation
29. reanimated from the tissue of a variety of corpses
30. began as a puppet carved from wood

Table: Misspells 3 (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

Is there no end to the number of Mis-Spells that arise due to instances of caster error, syntax error, or other phenomena? This is the seventeenth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Misspells 3

Roll 1d30

1. Affect Normal Accent
2. Audible Glazer
3. Burning Hams
4. Cacaodemon
5. Clairannoyance
6. Clairavoidance
7. Console Elemental
8. Control Feather
9. Daze Floor
10. Delayed Blast Folderol
11. Detect Upheaval
12. Ice Stork
13. Incense Dairy Cloud
14. Infeasibility
15. Levitaste
16. Limited Fish
17. Magic Gar
18. Mass Infeasibility
19. Nystul's Magic Error
20. Protection from Upheaval
21. Reed Magic
22. Rolypolyform Other
23. Rolypolyform Self
24. Schlep
25. Shop Change
26. Serten's Spumoni
27. Teleknees
28. Trap the Vole
29. Water Bothering
30. Wizard Rye

Table: Magical Hats (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

Those who are fashion forward about their headgear will not hesitate to place these hats upon their pates. This is the sixteenth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Magical Hats

Roll 1d6

1. Beret of Insouciance: Renders the wearer invulnerable to stress and mental or emotional attacks.
2. Bicorne of War and Peace: Turned one way, the wearer causes any interaction to escalate to immediate violence or threats thereof; turned the other way, the wearer causes any interaction to de-escalate to light conversation or sing-a-longs.
3. Fez of Residency: Will, when tossed and the command is uttered, expand into a fully furnished luxury domicile.
4. Mortarboard of Might: Will hold any amount of weight stacked or placed upon it with no harm to the wearer, who may stand, sit, or walk without fear of losing balance whilst so burdened.
5. Skull Cap of Thinking: Enables the wearer to ponder completely free of distractions; produces a lit candle hovering above the wearer's head when an idea is conceived. (Candle may be used normally.)
6. Wimpled Hennin of Electrical Spectacle: Enables the wearer to redirect electrical energy without sustaining injury, but at increased risk of static cling.

Table: Misspells for Illusionists (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

Mis-Spells (like these and these) happen to illusionists, too, and here is the table to prove it. This is the fifteenth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Misspells for Illusionists

Roll 1d20

1. Blandness
2. Blurt
3. Ciaos
4. Continual Delight
5. Dankness
6. Detect Quizability
7. Distil Exhaustion
8. Duffness
9. Frog Cloud
10. Gazelle Deflection
11. Mist Direction
12. Moss Suggestion
13. Naan Detection
14. Paralegalization
15. Phantasmal Thriller
16. Prismatic Mall
17. Quizability
18. Shadow Puppets
19. True Sigh
20. Veal

Table: Misspells 2 (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

Our thaumaturgical troubleshooters work round the clock every day to uncover more Mis-Spells like those compiled here from the Table of Many Tables. This is the fourteenth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Misspells 2

Roll 1d30

1. Airy Wafer
2. Animate Bread
3. Blizzard Bye
4. Crowdkill
5. Conjure Sentimental
6. Detect Bevel
7. Dimension Boor
8. Doo-Wop Dimension
9. Explosive Runs
10. File Charm
11. Fire Crap
12. Flame Marrow
13. Flu
14. Hallucinatory Terrarium
15. Infantvision
16. Leomund's Secret Vest
17. Leomund's Tiny Hat
18. Massage
19. Meteor Shawarma
20. Mime Stop
21. Minor Glob of Vulgarity
22. Paste
23. Power Word, Fun
24. Prismatic Spore
25. Protection from Normal Missives
26. Rary's Pneumatic Depantser
27. Slop
28. Telepork
29. Wall of Irony
30. Wall of Rice

Table: Wandering Monsters 2 (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

Once upon a time there was a Wandering Monsters table that dwelled in the Table of Many Tables. It was lonely, however, so it was introduced to a new friend: Wandering Monsters 2. This is the thirteenth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Wandering Monsters 2

Roll 1d20

1. Aerial Shirker. Frequency: More common than you would think
2. Ankleg. Number Appearing: 2
3. Beeholder. Armor Class: 10 [9]
4. Bissellisk. Move: Almost average
5. Carnivorous Silverfish. Hit Dice: 1 (subject), 10 (aristocrat)
6. Cloud Gerbil. Treasure Type: Nil
7. Dire Aphid. % in Lair: 0%
8. Eye Float. No. of Attacks: 1
9. Grape Ooze. Damage/Attack: 2-16
10. Grin Slime. Special Attacks: Uncontrollable smiling
11. Lungfish, Wild. Special Defenses: Disarming personality
12. Mint Flayer. Magic Resistance: 34%
13. Phase Earwig. Intelligence: Non- (as far as anyone knows...)
14. Rambling Mound. Alignment: Chaotic neutral
15. Rumorhazit. Size: L (quite L)
16. Slumber Hulk. Psionic Ability: Considerable
17. Tapioca Pudding. Psionic Attack Mode: Nil
18. Thought Snacker. Psionic Defense Mode: A variety
19. Wazzit. Note: Often employed as a familiar by absent-minded wizards
20. Wereweevil. Description: Resembles an ordinary weevil except for its palpable aura of malice.

Table: Pointless Cantrips (Unpredict-O-Bubble Table)

Why do a simple thing easily when you can marshal the tempestuous forces of magic to yield the same results by vastly more complicated means? Cantrips are the answer! Avail yourself of these fine feats of subwizardry to accomplish what nearly everyone can do with less effort. This is the twelfth table of the Unpredict-O-Bubble Table.

Pointless Cantrips

Roll 1d12

1. Blow on Some Soup
2. Darn a Sock
3. Empty a Chamber Pot
4. Light a Candle
5. Pour Some Water
6. Sharpen Some Cutlery
7. Shine Some Boots
8. Stir a Pot
9. Sweep a Floor
10. Tap Someone on the Shoulder
11. Wash a Garment
12. Whisper to Someone Nearby