Table: Dungeon Furnishings (Table of Many Tables)

Ah, the strange furnishings of dungeons and other subterranean complexes are a marvel to see. See them? Marvel at them! (cf. Table of Many Tables.)

Dungeon Furnishings

Roll 1d12

1. stocks
2. pillory
3. manacles
4. armoire
5. chains
6. rack
7. oubliette
8. attractive end table
9. vice
10. clamps
11. hooks
12. stylish credenza

Table: Dreaded Tortures (Table of Many Tables)

These tortures are too dreadful to list any but a few, despite the invitation by the Table of Many Tables.

Dreaded Tortures

Roll 1d4

1. The Iron Cage... wherein the victim cowers from a fiendish undead creature that continually taunts, "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! Am I... touching you? I'm not touching you!" #LevelDrain
2. The Iron Maiden... wherein the torturer threatens to place the victim in a spike-lined sarcophagus, but doesn't.
3. The Rake... is often mistaken for The Rack, but it's really just a rake, which the victim is forced to step upon, causing the shaft to strike them on the face. Affordable, and sometimes effective.
4. The Steak... but not The Stake, if that's what you were thinking. The victim is struck on the face with a steak. Humiliating.

Table: Whimsical Tricks (Table of Many Tables)

Hark! A table of whimsical tricks from the Table of Many Tables!

Whimsical Tricks

Roll 1d6

1. Pool of Fickle Outcomes. Anyone who comes into contact with its water has one random attribute increased to its maximum and another decreased to its minimum.* Duration: 24 hours.
2. Yawning Portal. Transports anyone to another world or a distant part of their own world, but induces a state of narcolepsy lasting 2-24 hours.
3. Portal of Nature. Transports anyone to another world or a distant part of their own world, sans clothing. Clothing remains on the other side.
4. Butterchurn of Woe. Has a profound aura of magical power. Churns butter, but loudly wails "Woe! WOE!! WOE!!!"
5. Bronze Colossus. Eyes emit light at irregular intervals. Occasionally makes an inexplicable chirping sound.
6. Well of Gratitude. Says "THANK YOU" whenever anything of value is thrown into it. Burps after devouring anything alive that climbs or falls into it.

* The maximum and minimum potential values possible during normal character creation.

Table: Wandering Minstrels (Table of Many Tables)

Many a wandering minstrel can be met on the way to adventure, or even at the local tavern, and this is but a small sample provided by the Table of Many Tables.

Wandering Minstrels

Roll 1d12

1. Tom Tonne, heaviest minstrel in the land! Will accept food as payment.
2. Plord the Jongleur. Also juggles. At all times.
3. Whif Thin the Quiet. Sings in a voice barely above a whisper.
4. Fraye the Troubador. Quick of sword, sharp of wit, short on discretion.
5. Ouita (or Weeta). Interpretive dance a specialty.
6. Caerynne. Deceptively plain.
7. Blaise the Fiery. Entertainer. Pyromaniac.
8. Olo. Restless acrobat. Reluctant singer. Good percussionist.
9. Maycroft the Enigmatic. Where music and stage magic meet!
10. Pleedle the Minstrel. Improviser extraordinaire. Singer/musician ordinaire.
11. Balourus the Bombastic. Explosively entertaining, but volume not adjustable.
12. Felf the Whistler. Famous and infamous for whistling prowess.

Table: Wandering Monsters (Table of Many Tables)

A table of wandering monsters courtesy of the Table of Many Tables.

Wandering Monsters

Roll 1d20

1. Shambling Hogweed. One of the worst, most formidable monsters you will ever encounter. Not fun. Frequency: Very rare
2. Vampire Hat. Number Appearing: 1-100.
3. Ineffable Hovering Sphere of Inescapable Terror with One Big Scary Eye and Lots of Smaller Scary Eyes. Armor Class: 1 [18]; 4 [15]; 8 [11]
4. Brain-Eating Cuttlefish-Headed Psi-Tyrant. Move: Average.
5. Rockslider. Hit Dice: 9 (foreign), 12 (domestic)
6. Boulet. (Pronounced "bull-lit") Treasure Type: Y
7. Living House. % in Lair: 100%
8. Action Mold. No. of Attacks: 1 or 10
9. Pixie, Feral, Giant. Damage/Attack: 3-12
10. Lobstormer. Special Attacks: Summon a storm of lobsters 1 time/day
11. Pangolin, Giant. Special Defenses: Can roll itself into an impenetrable ball
12. Creepy Crawly, Standard. Magic Resistance: Standard
13. Giant, Quarry. Intelligence: Low
14. Hobnoblin. Alignment: Neutral evil
15. Eel Magistrate. Size: M
16. Beige Slime. Psionic Ability: Nil
17. Flying Calamari. Psionic Attack Mode: ?
18. Golem, Bread. Psionic Defense Mode: Nil
19. Cavy, Dire. Note: Rarely tamed except by ringwraiths or nightgaunts or whatnot
20. Primordial Blah. Description: Indescribable. And unknowable. And unspeakable.

Table: Cursed Sale (Table of Many Tables)

According to the Table of Many Tables, even cursed items are sold (in the shadiest of locales), and sometimes they're even on sale (or so they say)...

Cursed Sale

Roll 1d12

1. Backscratcher, Cursed (Frontscratcher): Will only scratch a person's front!
2. Horn of Dismay: Causes self doubt and embarrassment to one who plays it.
3. Sword, Cursed (Unsheathable): Cannot or will not allow itself to be sheathed unless the wielder is asleep.
4. Shield of Attraction: Attracts arrows. Attracts spears. Attracts pests. Attracts unwanted attention. Makes loud noises if it isn't being noticed.
5. Crown of Epic Weight: There is no crown heavier than this. It looks impressive, though.
6. Knife, Cursed (Unthrowable): It looks like a throwing knife, but no matter how skilled the thrower, it will make the thrower look like an unskilled buffoon.
7. Spoon of Slurping: Emits a slurping sound even when not in use. Can never be silenced, but can be muffled. To an extent.
8. Fork of Possibility: Renders the user unable to do anything but stare in helpless fascination at the world of possibilities. Otherwise, it's a simple fork.
9. Spear, Cursed (Wobbly): Too wobbly to throw. Too wobbly to stick into someone. Too wobbly to hold and just stand there with any degree of dignity.
10. Throwing Axe, Cursed (Many Unhappy Returns): Returns to the thrower every time. Blade first.
11. Robe of Excessive Luxury: Is likely to smother the wearer with luxuriousness. A little too much of a good thing.
12. Millstone of Beguilement: Self-explanatory.

Table: Discount Magic (Table of Many Tables)

Magic is a fickle, temperamental force, and not all magic is equal, but sometimes it is discounted, as hinted at in the Table of Many Tables.

Discount Magic

Roll 1d12

1. The Scroll of Quish! Contains three spells including Prismatic Invective, Spectral Pet, and Color Play!
2. The Scroll of Skoom! Contains two spells including Delayed Bluster and Cone of Shame.
3. The Potion of Gassiness!
4. The Potion of Modest Levitation!
5. The Ring of Moderate Power! (Side effect: only moderate unease!)
6. The Wand of Mushrooms! Point and grow mushrooms instantly! Unlimited charges!
7. The Staff of Employment! Hundreds of uses!
8. The Rod of Guilt! Transfer guilt on command!
9. The Dust of Interesting Odor! Impossible to identify!
10. The Apparatus of Splaat! Large, bulky, incomprehensible artifact. Sold as is.
11. Grab Bag! 1-4 guaranteed miscellaneous magic items. Usefulness may vary.
12. The Belt of Human Strength! Gives the wearer the strength of a human! One size fits all.

Table: Pickpocket (Table of Many Tables)

You are the victim of a pickpocket or cutpurse as foretold by the Table of Many Tables. What is being stolen from your pocket or purse and by whom? Two tables will tell you...

Loot

Roll 1d12

1. 50% of your highest value coins!
2. 75% of your lowest value coins!
3. 100% of your loose gemstones!
4. 1-3 pieces of jewelry!
5. Nothing! (You were lucky!)
6. A random magic item!
7. A precious family heirloom!
8. A cursed item!
9. A map!
10. A riddle!
11. A spell!
12. Miscellaneous!

N.B. Roll again if the result is not applicable.

Perpetrator

Roll 1d20

1. A waif.
2. A ragamuffin.
3. A tatterdemalion.
4. A vagrant.
5. A fop.
6. A frump.
7. A harridan.
8. A virago.
9. A temptress.
10. A lad next door.
11. A lass next door.
12. A lout.
13. A hooligan.
14. A ruffian.
15. A rake.
16. A doddering elder.
17. A respectable tradesman.
18. A drunkard.
19. A pilgrim.
20. A magician?

N.B. The result is not necessarily who they are, but who they appear to be (perhaps).

Table: Treasures (Table of Many Tables)

Behold! A table of rare and varied treasures from the Table of Many Tables, enticing you with... enticements!

Treasures

Roll 1d12

1. The Crown Jewels! Priceless symbols of power instantly marking you for capture, assassination, or theft! Congratulations, you're a target now!
2. The Sceptre of the Demon Prince of Ill Omen! Topped with a human skull! Nothing bad could happen from stealing/finding this trifle, right?
3. 1,000 copper pieces!
4. A crystal skull! Eerie. Possibly worth something. In any case: eerie.
5. The Diamond of Hope! Hope it isn't cursed.
6. The wig of Medusa! No intrinsic value, but highly sought after by collectors!
7. The Golden Fleece! The greatest healing magic ever known. Also known to start wars.
8. The Finger of Fekna! Morbidly fascinating, is it not? Maybe it's even useful in some macabre way...
9. A pair of silver slippers with untold magical powers! Coveted by wicked witches, so BEWARE.
10. A single gold coin the size of a wagon wheel! Valid only in cloud giant castles or cyclops communes.
11. A sarcophagus from the time of the Ancients! May or may not contain a mummy. Or a robot. Or a time traveler. Or a cryogenically frozen alien.
12. An ordinary brass lamp! Definitely contains a djinn. Or a djinni. Or a jinn. Or a jinni. Or a genie. Or a genius. Or a devil. Or a demon. Or a daemon. Or a daimon...

Table: Fumbles (Table of Many Tables)

This table from the Table of Many Tables describes an assortment of blunders and mishaps that might arise when making the worst of all possible rolls of the die.

Fumbles

Roll 1d12

1. Slipped on a banana peel. Who's been littering?
2. Slipped on human entrails. Messy.
3. Tripped over a corpse. Sorry about that!
4. Tripped over a zombie at rest. Oh, drat! Now it's moving...
5. Dropped weapon. On foot. Roll damage.
6. Weapon flies out of hand and into surprised friend. Or foe. Or passerby.
7. Weapon flies out of hand and is caught by the chief baddie on duty.
8. Weapon develops a conscience and devotes itself to a life of nonviolence.
9. Weapon becomes possessed by an indecisive demon.
10. Armor bunches up uncomfortably, penalizing every action until adjusted.
11. Helmet or hat slips over eyes, resulting in ineffective stumbling about.
12. Distracted by a fleeting thought, lose one round of action. Did I lock the door when I left? Hm...