23 July 2018

Alignment Mania

(The True Alignment System Explained)

Everyone has an alignment whether they like it or not. In some games, only three alignments are used: Nice, Wicked, and Questionable. There is a never-ending struggle between the forces of Niceness and Wickedness, and if you don't pick sides, then you are regarded by everyone as Questionable. But what do all these esoteric terms mean? Well...

Nice: Those of Nice alignment are polite, generous, and generally helpful. They are the sort of people you would introduce to your parents to win their approval.

Wicked: Those of Wicked alignment are rude, selfish, and generally a nuisance. They are the sort of people you would introduce to your parents to provoke their rage.

Questionable: Those of Questionable alignment are withdrawn, noncommittal, and generally overlooked. They are the sort of people you wouldn't bother to introduce to your parents.

In some games, three different alignments are used: Awful, Psychotic, and Dubious. There is a never-ending war being waged on the cosmic stage and in your own back yard between the Awful and the Psychotic, and those who stubbornly sit on the fence are Dubious. Let's define these terms, shall we?

Awful: Those of Awful alignment epitomize... something. They are Awfully... whatever it is they are. Sometimes they are self-described as Awesome.

Psychotic: Those of Psychotic alignment are unbalanced.

Dubious: Those of Dubious alignment are suspicious.

Some games are not content to have three alignments or three other alignments, so they combine and mix and multiply them into nine alignments, because that's preferable for tournament play. Let's see what they came up with...

Awful Nice: Creatures of this alignment are really quite pleasant. Some might argue they can be too pleasant to the extent that they may even "cramp" one's "style," but they are certainly reliably pleasant.

Psychotic Nice: This alignment really is too much of a good thing. Enough is enough! Sometimes people need some space!

Dubiously Nice: Being pleasant is one thing, but constantly doing it with a self-conscious sense of irony in order to appear "cool" or "hip" is blase and won't even endear yourself to other hipsters.

Awful Questionable: No one can be as impressively stand-offish or intriguingly misanthropic as those fascinating individuals who embody the Awful Questionable alignment. Who are they? What are they doing here? What are their motives? Nobody knows!

Psychotic Questionable: What is wrong with Psychotic Questionable folks? Damned if I know, but I certainly don't want to find out. Just move along and don't make eye contact.

Dubiously Questionable: Those of Dubiously Questionable alignment simply cannot be trusted. See the way they enjoy spending time alone? See how they won't mingle or dance at parties? Have you ever noticed them reading a book in public? Hm...

Awful Wicked: Creatures of this alignment are Wicked with style. They may be Wicked, but even Nice people have to give them some credit. They are the villains you love to hate.

Psychotic Wicked: Just steer clear of any creature exhibiting Psychotic Wicked tendencies. Paying attention to them only encourages them. If you value, well, anything, just stay the heck away.

Dubiously Wicked: Really, being Dubiously Wicked is not as impressive as you think it sounds. The alignment should be changed to Poser. You're fooling no one. Get a life.

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