Wand of Surprise
The wand of wonderment may be an item of considerable magical power, but the use of it is fraught with danger. In an effort to fabricate a less dangerous tool of magic, extensive research and testing has resulted in a new and improved wondrous wand: the wand of surprise.
The wand of surprise, unlike its chaotic predecessor, has been carefully designed to respond to two different wand-wielding techniques in order to produce either a beneficial or detrimental effect according to the wielder's wishes. The exact nature of the effect is, of course, impossible to predict, but it is highly likely that it will be a boon to the wielder and a bane to the wielder's enemies. No guarantees are offered, but the wielder is assured that the proper use of the wand of surprise will probably not result in the wielder's sudden destruction.
The important thing to remember is that the difference here is in pointing the wand versus tapping it. If the wand of surprise is pointed, it will discharge a detrimental effect at the target. If it is tapped against something (an object, a friend, oneself), it will discharge a beneficial effect. Sometimes the definition of "beneficial" or "detrimental" is subject to interpretation. The extent of any benefit or detriment to the target may vary. Ownership of a wand of surprise does not constitute any binding legal obligation on the part of the creator of said wand.
Tapping a target that has already been tapped will replace any previous beneficial effect that is still in progress with a new one. No target can enjoy the effects of more than one benefit from a wand of surprise at a time. Pointing is another matter. Detrimental effects are cumulative.
All wands have a limited number of charges, and each use of a wand drains one or more charges. Each use of a wand of surprise, for instance, drains a single charge regardless of the magical effect. It is sometimes possible, however, to cause the wand to generate a specific effect that the user has witnessed before, but the charge expenditure is much greater, and, typically, random. Each such use depletes a wand of surprise of a variable amount of charges as follows:
Roll 1d4
1. One charge.
2. A quarter of all remaining charges.
3. Half of all remaining charges.
4. All remaining charges.
When a wand has been depleted of charges, it becomes inert. Some wands are rechargeable, whilst others are forever drained of their capacity for magic. To recharge a wand may require the undertaking of a quest to seek one capable of performing such a task, or it may be as simple as paying a visit to your Favorite Local Magic Shop or your Friendly Neighborhood Wizards' Guild.
Speaking of danger, breaking a wand is another matter. It is probably best to avoid it if possible.
Wand-Using Procedures, Tested
or
WUPT
Wave the wand whilst
Uttering the magic words of activation (if any) and
Point it or
Tap it.
Effects Caused by Pointing
Roll 1d100
1. The target is struck by a conjured nonmagical weapon of the wielder's choice.
2. The target is struck by 1d6 magic missiles.
3. The target glows brightly for 1d6 turns.
4. The target creature or object expands to twice its normal size.
5. The target creature or object shrinks to one-tenth its normal size.
6. The surface beneath the target becomes liquid if it is solid or solid if it is liquid to a maximum depth of ten cubits.
7. The target is engulfed with sticky green slime that will suffocate any breathing organism it touches unless burned or scraped away.
8. The target is struck by a ray of enfeeblement.
9. A stationary wall of fire surrounds the target for 5d6 rounds.
10. A stationary wall of ice surrounds the target for 5d6 rounds.
11. The target becomes inaudible for 1d6 turns.
12. The target emits an odd pungency for 1d6 hours.
13. The target is under the telekinetic control of the wielder for 3d4 rounds.
14. The target is enshrouded by thick fog to a radius of 20 cubits.
15. The target becomes ethereal (or corporeal if already ethereal) for one day.
16. The target is covered with whipped cream.
17. The target is doused in oil.
18. The target is struck by a cream pie.
19. The target is struck by a lightning bolt.
20. The target is struck by a fireball.
21. The target is struck by a ray of frost.
22. The target turns to stone (or flesh if already stone) for one day.
23. A dark cloud manifests above the target and rains for 5d6 rounds, remaining above the target until it dissipates.
24. A bright shaft of light illuminates the target from above for 5d6 rounds, remaining on the target even if it moves.
25. A gust of wind blows on the target from below for 1d4 rounds or until the target moves.
26. The target is polymorphed into a rabbit for 1d6 turns.
27. The target is affected by a localized reversal of gravity for 3d6 rounds.
28. The target is polymorphed into a deer for 1d6 turns.
29. The target is struck by a meteorite causing 1d100 hit points of damage.
30. A cloud of flour engulfs the target.
31. A vortex appears beneath the target and transports anything falling into it to a random dimension or plane of existence.
32. The target's speed is halved for 2d6 rounds.
33. The target becomes feebleminded for 3d6 rounds.
34. The target is hurled 100 cubits away as if by a trebuchet.
35. The target is polymorphed into a frog for 1d6 rounds.
36. The target is teleported to another island or continent.
37. The target becomes capable of speech, or, conversely, it loses its ability to speak for 1d6 hours.
38. Every movement of the target is accompanied by dramatic music from an unknown source for one day.
39. The earth beneath the target opens up to a depth of 20 cubits.
40. The target becomes highly magnetized and attracts all metal things in a 10 cubit radius for 5d6 rounds.
41. The target becomes highly magnetized and repels all metal things in a 10 cubit radius for 5d6 rounds.
42. The target falls into a deep sleep for 8 hours.
43. The target becomes frictionless for 3d6 rounds.
44. The target is afflicted with hiccups for 4d8 rounds.
45. The target is confused for 2d6 rounds.
46. A very loud eructation emanates from the target.
47. The target is stunned for 1d6 rounds.
48. The target is stunned for 1d6 turns.
49. The target is stunned for 1d6 hours.
50. The target is struck by a heat ray causing 4d8 hit points of damage.
51. The target is disintegrated to a maximum volume of 6 cubits by 6 cubits by 6 cubits.
52. The target is swatted by a crushing blow.
53. The target is clutched by a grasping fist lasting as long as the wielder desires or until the wand is used again.
54. The target spins like a top for 3d4 rounds.
55. The target's color changes to one color of the visible light spectrum each minute in succession (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet) for 1d6 days.
56. The target's sex is changed.
57. The target is struck by a ham.
58. The target becomes capable of speaking and writing only in reverse for one day. Day one for reverse in only writing and speaking of capable becomes target the, is that.
59. The target falls into an ageless sleep for 101 years or until awakened by a kiss.
60. A flag bearing the word BANG! emerges from the end of the wand.
61. Powerful vines emerge from the nearest soil and entangle the target.
62. The target is polymorphed into a pumpkin.
63. The target is struck by a snowball.
64. The target is deprived of its senses of smell and taste for 1d6 days.
65. The target becomes highly allergic to silence for 1d6 days, sneezing uncontrollably whenever it is quiet.
66. The target becomes inflated and floats as if filled with helium for 6d6 rounds.
67. The target becomes heavy as if made of lead for 6d6 rounds.
68. The target is struck by a boulder for 6d12 hit points of damage.
69. The target gains a moustache (real or false, depending on whether the target is normally capable of growing one).
70. The target becomes invisible to itself, but not to anyone else for 1d6 days.
71. The target becomes incapable of any form of locomotion except hopping or rolling for 4d6 hours.
72. The target's mental state regresses to early childhood for 2d6 hours.
73. The target becomes immobilized (but otherwise able to act) for 1d6 turns.
74. The target emits a overpowering floral fragrance for 2d6 days.
75. The target fumbles for 3d6 rounds.
76. The target is blinded for 1d6 rounds.
77. The target is blinded for 1d6 turns.
78. The target is deafened for 1d6 rounds.
79. The target is deafened for 1d6 turns.
80. The target is paralyzed for 2d6 rounds if living, or becomes the wielder's animated servitor if nonliving.
81. The target emits sounds at regular intervals like a foghorn whenever it is dark and/or foggy for 1d6 days.
82. The target is incapable of understanding speech for 2d6 hours if living, or shatters if nonliving.
83. The target hums for 3d6 hours.
84. Bubbles emerge whenever the target's mouth is opened — a condition lasting for 3d6 hours.
85. The target flees in terror for 2d6 rounds.
86. The target faints.
87. The target suffers amnesia for 1d6 hours.
88. The target becomes enveloped by a web that has the strength of steel, but the flammability of a normal web.
89. The target is struck by a powerful jet of water.
90. The target is struck by a powerful blast of wind.
91. The target is struck by a pebble.
92. The target is struck by a pebble that explodes upon impact for 6d6 hit points of damage.
93. The target's eyes are crossed for 4d6 hours or, if the target does not have eyes, the target is simply inverted.
94. The target is struck by a cone of cold that completely sheathes the target in ice.
95. The target is struck by a destructive beam of light causing 5d10 hit points of damage.
96. A cloud of soot engulfs the target.
97. The target is duplicated by a hostile simulacrum if living, or by a shoddy fake if nonliving.
98. The target's thoughts are broadcast by a loud disembodied voice that is the target's own for 3d6 turns.
99. The target becomes translucent for one month, or, if already translucent, opaque.
00. The wielder may choose any one effect he or she has witnessed being caused by the wand (and is made aware of this by a telepathic sensation from the wand).
Effects Caused by Tapping
Roll 1d100
1. The target becomes invisible for 6 turns.
2. The target becomes invisible for 6 rounds.
3. The target glows brightly for 1d6 turns.
4. The target creature or object expands to twice its normal size for as long as desired.
5. The target creature or object shrinks to one-tenth its normal size for as long as desired.
6. A table laden with a sumptuous feast and sufficient seating materializes before the target.
7. The target gains the strength of a storm giant for 1d6 turns.
8. A warm, cozy cottage materializes before the target.
9. A wall of fire surrounds the target for as long as desired.
10. A wall of ice surrounds the target for as long as desired.
11. A wall of force surrounds the target for as long as desired.
12. A wall of stone 10 cubits high and 20 cubits wide materializes before the target.
13. The target levitates for as long as desired.
14. The target is enshrouded by thick fog to a radius of 20 cubits for as long as desired.
15. The target becomes ethereal (or corporeal if already ethereal) for one day.
16. An anti-magic sphere surrounds the target for as long as desired, permitting no magic to pass in or out of it.
17. The target is instantly healed of all injuries if living, or repaired of all damage if nonliving.
18. A shield of force materializes before the target, lasting 2d6 rounds.
19. The target gains the ability to breathe fire like a dragon for 3d6 rounds.
20. The target gains the eyesight of an eagle for 4d6 hours.
21. The target gains the hearing of a bat for 4d6 hours.
22. The target gains the sense of smell of a bloodhound for 4d6 hours.
23. The target gains the agility of a monkey for 4d6 hours.
24. A bright shaft of light illuminates the target from above for as long as desired, remaining on the target even if it moves.
25. The target is instantly nourished.
26. The target is instantly cleansed, purified, and rejuvenated.
27. The target is affected by a localized reversal of gravity for as long as desired.
28. The target gains the ability to fly for one hour, or, if it already possesses the ability, its maximum flying speed is doubled for one hour.
29. A sphere of force, permeable only to breathable air, surrounds the target for 1d6 turns.
30. A water spring appears before the target.
31. The target's speed is doubled for 2d6 rounds, or, if the target is immobile, it gains mobility for 2d8 turns.
32. A mighty defensive tower materializes before the wielder. Its walls of stone are 4 cubits thick and topped with embattlements, three heavy arbalests, three vats of boiling oil, and a catapult. It has an iron-reinforced gate, an iron portcullis, arrow loops, and an armory with a plentiful supply of armor, shields, swords, spears, pole-arms, bows, arrows, and quarrels. There are modest furnishings and provisions as befits a garrison. The tower lasts until the wand is used again or broken. If the tower would materialize in a space too small for it (such as a room), a miniature version of the tower materializes instead.
33. The target's density may increase or decrease as desired for 1d6 turns.
34. The target may climb walls with the ease of a spider for 4d6 hours.
35. The target's charisma is increased to 18 for 24 hours.
36. The target is polymorphed into a wyvern for 1d6 turns.
37. The target is polymorphed into the creature of the wielder's choice for up to one hour.
38. Every movement of the target is accompanied by dramatic music from an unknown source for as long as desired.
39. An animal of the wielder's choice is summoned.
40. The target becomes highly magnetized and attracts all metal things in a 10 cubit radius for as long as desired.
41. The target becomes highly magnetized and repels all metal things in a 10 cubit radius for as long as desired.
42. The target turns green and can derive nourishment from the sun for one week.
43. The target becomes frictionless for as long as desired.
44. A small ordinary object of the wielder's choice is conjured.
45. The target is teleported in the direction of the wielder's choice up to six leagues away.
46. A minor elemental of the wielder's choice is summoned and will obey the wielder for one hour.
47. A minor elemental of the wielder's choice is summoned and will obey one command of the wielder until it is fulfilled or a year and a day have passed.
48. The target assumes gaseous form for 2d6 rounds, or, if already gaseous, becomes ethereal.
49. The target assumes liquid form for 2d6 rounds, or, if already liquid, becomes ethereal.
50. The target assumes solid form for 2d6 rounds, or, if already solid, becomes ethereal.
51. The target becomes surrounded by 6d6 identical duplicates, which, if organic, last for 4d4 rounds, or if inorganic, are permanent.
52. The target becomes ethereal for as long as desired.
53. A displacer cake materializes before the target.
54. One of the wielder's personal possessions that is specifically desired is conjured.
55. The target may change color at will to any color imaginable for 1d6 days.
56. The target astrally projects for 6d6 turns if it is living, during which time its corporeal body appears to be comatose; or it disappears if it is nonliving, having been transported to the Astral Plane.
57. The target catches a ham.
58. The target gains the ability to communicate telepathically for one day.
59. The target gains the power of clairvoyance for one day if living, or bestows that ability to anyone touching it (as long as it is being touched) for one month if it is nonliving.
60. The target glows brightly in the presence of the supernatural for 1d6 hours.
61. The target grows a protective carapace stronger than steel (AC 0), which crumbles into dust after one day.
62. The target gains the ability of pyrokinesis and immunity to fire for 24 hours.
63. The target gains the ability of cryokinesis and immunity to cold for 24 hours.
64. The target gains the ability to read and write any language encountered for 1d6 days if living, or becomes capable of being used as a translator for anyone in physical contact for 1d6 months if nonliving.
65. The target bursts into flame or becomes comfortably warm as desired.
66. The target instantly freezes or becomes comfortably cool as desired.
67. The target grows gills that disappear after one week.
68. The target becomes as buoyant as wood for 6d6 rounds, or, if already as buoyant as wood, becomes lighter than air.
69. A joke shop false nose complete with spectacles, moustache, and bushy eyebrows materializes on the target's face.
70. The target grows a prehensile tail that disappears after one week.
71. The target grows wings that disappear after one week.
72. The target creature or object expands to thrice its normal size for as long as desired.
73. The target creature or object shrinks to half its normal size for as long as desired.
74. The target emits a pleasant floral fragrance for 2d6 days.
75. The target gains the swimming speed of a sailfish for 4d6 hours.
76. The target gains the short distance land speed of a cheetah for 4d6 hours.
77. The target's strength increases to 18 (or 19 if already 18) for 4d6 hours.
78. The target gains a suit of phantom armor that will withstand any one blow or attack with no harm to the wearer, but which disappears if struck a second time.
79. An ordinary weapon of the wielder's choice is conjured.
80. A phantom shield capable of withstanding any one blow or attack materializes wherever the wielder chooses and remains there until destroyed or willed by the wielder to move.
81. A translucent, spherical globule that absorbs any spells or magic cast within 40 cubits of it materializes before the wielder. It vanishes after 1d20 rounds.
82. A shiny, metallic orb that reflects any spells or magic cast within 20 cubits of it back on the caster materializes before the wielder. It vanishes after 1d20 rounds.
83. A transparent, crystal dodecahedron that amplifies the power of any spell or magic cast within 10 cubits of it materializes before the wielder. It vanishes after 1d20 rounds.
84. A dull, smoky cube that reduces the power of any spell or magic cast within 10 cubits of it materializes before the wielder. It vanishes after 1d20 rounds.
85. The target gains the peripheral vision of a chameleon for 4d6 hours.
86. The target grows a thick coat of fur that disappears after one week.
87. The target gains the ability to see perfectly in darkness for 1d6 days, or, conversely, gains the ability to see in bright light.
88. The target gains the ability to divine the location of treasure in the same manner as a divining rod for 4d6 hours.
89. The target's sense of taste is increased to such a degree that a single lick is enough to determine the exact composition, age, origin, and nature of the thing tasted — an ability lasting 1d6 minutes.
90. The target's ability to dance becomes phenomenal for 3d4 hours.
91. The target grows protective scales (equivalent to scale armor) that are shed after one week.
92. The target gains the ability to regenerate 1 hit point per turn for 6d6 days.
93. The target's ability to sing becomes phenomenal for 3d4 hours.
94. Any curse cast upon the target is nullified or, if none exist, the target glows in the presence of curses and baneful magic, for one week.
95. Time stops for all except the wielder, who is free to act for 60 seconds, at which point Time resumes.
96. The target becomes immune to mental attacks for 1d6 hours.
97. The target's dexterity increases to 18 for 4d6 hours.
98. The target appears to be 1d6 cubits away from where it actually is for one week.
99. The target gains the ability to move as quietly as a cat for 4d6 hours.
00. The wielder may choose any one effect he or she has witnessed being caused by the wand (and is made aware of this by a telepathic sensation from the wand).
[Previously published in a slightly altered form here in Fudgery.net.]
[Edit: This article was updated on 10 May 2014.]
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